STATTO: What are you doing? STU: I'm watching a wildlife documentary. It's about Black Widow spiders. Apparently, after they've mated, the female kills and eats the male.
Statto: Yeah, I know. Stu: You'd have thought the males would have cottoned on by now! Just goes to show doesn't it? Statto: What? Stu: That whatever the species, blokes just don't talk to each other about relationships! If it was the other way round, and the blokes ate the women, minutes after the first time it happened, there'd be groups of female Black Widows, sat around in their pyjamas, eating ice-cream, saying "Men! You can't trust them!" Statto: True.
Stu: And the second thing it proves is that again, blokes, whatever the species, just want to get their leg-over and never think about the consequences! Statto: Yup! Stu: Anyway, what are you doing in my house? Statto: Can I ask a favour? Stu: You can try.
Zenith Replica WatchesStatto: Thanks. Stu: What's the favour? Statto: It's only a little favour. Stu: What is it? Statto: Are you busy, Saturday? Stu: Flamin' hell, it takes you longer to ask a favour, than it does for you to tell a story. Just tell me what favour you want!
Statto: I'm going to buy a composter bin, but it won't fit in the boot of the car. I need you to give me a hand carrying it home.
Stu: What kind of mate are you? Most mates would say. "What are you doing Saturday? Fancy a few pints and we'll go to the match?" But not you. You ask me if I'd like to spend my day off, lugging a huge green composter bin through the city centre! Statto: If you don't want to help, that's fine! I'll ask somebody else! Stu: All right, Angry Anderson, calm down. Why are you buying a composter, anyway? Statto: Just doing my bit for the planet.
Stu: If you wanted to do your bit for Breitling Replica Watches the planet, you'd stop eating all those kebabs! The methane gas you pump out after one of those is equal to a herd of cattle! You've got your own, personal hole in the Ozone layer. The Stattosphere!
Statto: You always have to bring it down to base level don't you? I'm trying to save the planet, here! Stu: Thank you David Bellamy! Statto: You could do a lot worse than listen to David Bellamy! He knows what he's talking about! He's a 70s and 80s legend!
Stu: And Lenny Henry did a great impression of him on Tiswas, too! 'Gwapple me gwapenuts!' Statto: He's an eco hero, mate! And he's also an ex-con.
Stu: Eh? Statto: In 1983, he was jailed for blockading the Franklin River, in Australia, in a protest against a proposed dam.
Stu: Top man! Statto: And, in 1984, he leapt from the pier at St. Abbs Harbour, into the North Sea, to open Britain's first voluntary marine reserve. He's a total eco legend!
Stu: Yeah, but if we're talking eco heroes of the 80s, there's only one in my book - Michaela Strachan! Statto: But Bellamy's a proper hero! Michaela Strachan's just eye-candy! How can you...oohhh, I get it. You fancy her don't you? Stu: Guilty as charged, m'lud! I mean, come on, she even used to be a kiss-o-gram! David Bellamy never did that did he? Did he? Statto: Of course he didn't! And thank god for that! "Here y'go mate, we've got you a kiss-o-gram for your birthday! Yeah, I know it's a big, beardy bloke in his mid 70s, but for an extra tenner, he'll grapple your grapenuts!" Stu: Might work for some people! Statto: Anyway, Michaela Strachan didn't join The Really Wild Show until 1993!
Stu: Believe me mate, in my head, she joined The Really Wilde Show, a lot earlie
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